A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you.
~ Margaret Atwood.
Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.
~P.J.O’Rourke.
The pearls of water ran down the lonely corner of my bedroom window...it seemed as if the heaven was a witness and was feeling every ounce of my pain and anxiety...The sky is crying with me, sitting at the corner of the room with dead toys and estranged fantasies when suddenly the door cracked open with a loud shriek and a sturdy black figure stepped inside... it was the end of the life I've known by now... everything was about to change after i leave this room…the room where I've spent 16 years of my life, my house that no longer was mine, every material that had no meaning by now was getting alive and were equally remorseful and were begging me not to leave.
The
man demanded me to pack my bags. He was an official sent by High Court to take
me to my mother who was living in Shimla now, so far away from here. She
decided to live in Shimla, that was more of similar to Nainital so that I would
feel comfortable and easy to settle down. But this place- the same one where
every morning i woke up listening the musical alarm of monal, the exquisite
food lavishly prepared by Kalpana aunty, the dining table where me, ma and papa
had food together spiced with love and affection...my school, my friends... I
was leaving everything behind of me ...the flowers in my garden were blooming
less today. The clear blue sky, the view of Naini lake from my terrace, the
flowers in steps of my garden, the houses of my neighbours ,their smiles; the
flamboyance around my home, my life was missing...merely the thought of leaving
this place shivered my nerves and me to the bowels of my heart...More of not
the place but leaving my father behind made me paranoid...i was so heavy at
heart...today I realised that how it feels to be parched ,estranged from your
life...
My
life had been this way for past few months now...the day i was in melee of my
dream world lying in my cosy bed lingering on my soft pillow underneath my
heavy blanket in a cold December night while it was snowy outside...i was
dreaming of ma's special rajma chawal and kheer...her extravagance made the
food all the more special ... i woke up with the disturbing sounds reaching my
ears from outside of my bedroom...a horizon of light was peeping inside of my
room from the bottom opening as if calling me to watch out, it was the sound of
my mom and dad....the light of living room was opened and a heavy discussion
was going on and I could barely understand what they were talking about but the
voices grew louder and louder and never ended... I slowly stepped down my bed
and tiptoed myself to the door, as I reached there the voice grew louder and
louder. I silently turned down handle of the door making minimum sound possible
and peeped my eyes out of the small opening ...and what i saw shifted the earth
beneath me earthquaking my life forever...the two figures ,my role models, the
impeccable part of my life, were shouting, screaming and fighting with each
other disrespectfully ...
'You
have ruined my life and drained every happiness i had'...
'Neither
you have been a good wife....
'you
don’t respect me and my needs all you care about is yourself'...
i
couldn’t listen anymore, a tide of tears ran down from the corner of my eyes to
the corner of my mouth and jumped to the wooden floor...what i thought was a
heated argument was not really one, it was a fight...the voices were loud but i
cannot listen to it anymore...I had to shut the panels of my ears tightly
through my hands...but i could see still see the hatred in their eyes for each
other...
i
wanted to step outside the room and stop them, hug them both, stop what all was
happening there and bring an end to this horrible nightmare, but i was numb, so
numb to move or react. Then I heard a loud thunder that broke the commotion of
my thoughts and brought me back to my room... I saw my mom on the floor
descending to herself, one hand on her right cheek, tears rolling down her
eyes, in no moment I knew what has happened. I shrieked loud ,busted the room door
open and ran down to her...I held her shivering body, she turned her face away
from me. The room shut silent, my demanding eyes were questioning them pleading
for answers. But they buried their eyes on the floor, none of them looked at me.
I wanted to scream and ask them what all it was? What happened? Why did it happen?
Why my beautiful, happy world was diminished? Silence echoed the room, finally
i gathered all my strength and said 'Ma, are you...'
but
before i could complete my sentence, she stood up and dried her reckless
tears...with a wrecked heart she took her overcoat from robe stand ,while
covering her cold body with it she walked towards the front door...and without
spilling a single word from her dried throat she opened the door and started
walking.
I
shouted 'Where are you going , ma ?' 'come back in' 'its cold out there' 'come in'
'don’t go'
I started running behind her, when my papa caught my hand and pushed me back. He
coldly said 'let her go, if she wants to'
I was struggling to break free. I was shouting and calling her, but she kept
walking. I wanted to reach her and hold her hand, make her come back inside. I
could feel the cool breeze gushing inside the open door making my warm body
shiver. She was outside feeling the same, the warmth inside and the cold
outside made me a part of two world. It was no longer our world. I couldn’t see
her anymore, I prayed my father to get her back, to call her back. But he asked
me to go to my room. I froze, couldn’t believe what my ears heard just then. He
freed me and shut the door close...he left for his room and ordered me to go to
bed. I couldn’t move, I sat on the floor… Cold...Alone.
My
parents don’t live together anymore. Today i have to leave to go to my mother
with this official. But as i leave today, I leave myself as a whole... Alone and
empty.
This
is a story of many children when their parents are separated... What can we do
for them??
~ Vaishali Joshi
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