AN ENCOUNTER

In the bleak winter evening on 11^th November 1903, I was in deep thoughts on sordid details of my past mounting on the stem of the cruise “THE PRESTIGE” feeling the cool breeze gliding over me. I was 2 days away from my destination then where I have no plans about my career, which made me formidable about my existence in near future. These thoughts and bleakness have thrown me into melancholy. After having a dinner I was back on deck and was just having a walk and was having a small chat with ship crew and came to know that cruise will come to a halt at an island for this night due to some technical lag in cruise. I was curious because of my disposition is to be adventurous from childhood. After 4 hours of anxiety the cruise is ashore. The captain of cruise gave strict orders for passengers not to wander in the woods but they can just have a walk on shore. I was off the cruise and went for a walk it seemed dark just the lights of cruise. But I could feel some unknown charm dragging me into the abyss. I could not resist since I have no reason to stop it.

In exuberance of my joy I went on exploring the woods in the luminance of cruise and moon but the light faded as I moved further from cruise and from my life. I thought to return to the ship but my queer nature made me reluctant to go back to the same life where I have no iota of hope of joy but even on this style I have to struggle for subsistence more than in society. My ideas became erratic as the darkness deepened and I dozed for a while. A dawn broke over the woods and the sunlight sprinkled over me and I gained consciousness and ran towards the prestige but I missed the cruise I can just see it disappearing in to the seas. At that time I just accepted my destiny and believed in nature. I went back in to the woods and ecstatic by the artistry of nature. I felt blissful for the first time in my life as I surrendered myself to the nature. I was basking in the dawn under the woods and after a while I was feeling voracious appetite and began my search for food.

As I wandered around the woods I found some animals grazing in a pasture that made me think of habitat living around here and an idea of cannibalism came in my mind, which transformed my ecstasy into despair. I ran away from that place in fear and my ignorance of the way has led me right at their den. I cursed me for my ignorance and the tribes encircled me and I could see a glow and daze on their face. But I was astonished when they welcomed me with a smile and took them to their huts and I felt pride when everyone was treating me with great reverence. After 3 hours when I saw some casserole resembling dishes over their place and I felt hungry again. They recognized my appetite and took me to their dining arena. I was awe-struck with their arrangements and the way they presented on the table made me feel living in a paradise. They served me appetizers, which are seasoned very precisely, and soup, which tasted like elixir. Then they served me barbecue and multi cuisine dishes were at the place. The viand of the meal is venison, which is embellished and assimilated with various spices, which made me feel like manna. They gave me pabulum having medicinal values that tasted like ambrosia and had end my meal with confectionary. This sumptuous meal is one I haven’t dreamt off in my life.

After a short nap in the cottage I went out for a walk and was dazzled by flamboyant architectural landscape of water falling from cliff to azure lakes. I was effervescent with bliss and life by admiring that cliff and waterfalls. I had spent whole night by resting in the lap of nature. I was awake by noises near the dining arena. I went out to find out and from their conversations I found that their culture is to sacrifice any guest to divine spirits by treating him as a messenger of god. I wanted to persuade them that sacrificing a fellow human for god is foolishness but reminisced that human tendency is to believe in magic than logic which happened throughout the history of mankind, where nobles like Socrates, Jesus, Gandhi, Lincoln were killed by the people whom they served the whole life.

So I started to run for my life again which I had been doing since my birth. Deep gloom covered my bliss as cold breeze and drizzle showered at dusk. I ran to the cliff and I was totally exhausted and desolated. I felt like sharing my feelings with anyone but I found none. So today 14^th November 1903 I pen down my feelings to share with myself. Drizzles keep rising, and the cloud churns into a thunderstorm. Today is the most blissful day in my life because it is the only day in my life I am harmonized with nature that I always loved. I stood up and looked on either side of cliff on one-side tribes trying to hunt me down and on other the blue sea striving to embrace me with its mighty waves. I will always choose nature……………………

 Ch. Raghu vinay,

 Ece, iii year.

SORRY…WHO AM I AGAIN?

YEAAY! I am getting a brand new pair of leather shoes worth 8000 bucks on my birthday… really? Lucky you, I wish I could get some quality stuff like you too.”  Seems like a pretty normal conversation between any 2 of your effusive classmates doesn’t it? But sitting here now as I come to think of it, what amazes me the most is that neither of them had seen the shoes yet and it was just the cost that decided the class. Such prejudice without even looking!! So much for delusion.  Cost and appearances certainly rule the market and why not, no one wants to be left behind on the fashion front now, does he? Low waist jeans among boys were a thing when I joined college. Can’t help smiling as I think what’s going to happen to the jeans by the time I pass out. Well, this is it…this is the modern society that we all are a part of. If you want to achieve something you’ll have to think out of the box, be different which usually requires looking different yourself and that’s precisely the marathon that everyone’s running. This text is what a guy like you
writes as he takes some time off, to look back and see whether we’ve
really been running in the right direction.

We’ve managed to get almost everything that we wanted either by working for it or
influencing and projecting ourselves to be the rightful owners, and all this is possible by staying within the boundaries of our social etiquettes. We have evolved from our primitive forebears into beings who’ve now subjugated all other creatures, invented and built wonders until now and continue to do so without fail, pushing adamantly against the ceiling of our limitations. But in building up this
superstructure we’ve brought into being a society with intricate and complex relationships which have become the new challenge. No matter what
you desire from life, the other guy’s ambitions and expectations always constitute an obstruction or more likely a vital input. The present world is designed such that it’s going to be a hell lot of difficult to move up the ladder without the
cooperation of our fellow humans. This has rather disheartened the section of people who used to stand up against the flow, against this situational paradigm.  It’s difficult to speak up against such an overwhelming majority especially when their opinion happens to determine where you end up. So we’ve settled into a peaceful relationship of indifference with it or simply turned into dexterous people pleasers desiring approbation. So much for the human psyche!!
             

 Personally, I’ve always been attracted to psychology as a subject, ever since I  earned how to pronounce it, not only because it sounds cool but because it works on one concrete logic that the traits of any person are indelibly stamped in the shape of his body—an X ray by which you can read the characteristics of any person on sight. I do this very often when I am sitting alone in a crowded place, whether it’s my classroom, or the college playground, any marketplace or the airport; observing people as they indulge in their regular monotonous activities without realizing that their bodies are actually giving out clues which can be deciphered to precisely predict what’s going on in their head at the moment. They
are their true selves at that moment, easier to read and hence vulnerable in a way as they might say. And once you master the basics, it’s going to become evident to you too that the present generation has really succumbed to social insecurities regarding their personalities and have failed to wield them. Guys of younger age
groups striving for better personalities find it difficult to inculcate new habits, so they turn to easier present sources instead, that help them project themselves as someone entirely different from what they actually are. That’s a very basic tendency of human psychology. Social networking sites help them elude the reality, by filling in that void in their personality which was probably making them insecure regarding their potential to attract the opposite sex or dazzle the world enough. Now I don’t bear any grudge against a virtual network that is helping you connect to people who are physically out of reach and share your photos, views and thoughts with them. But it’s really hard for me to swallow the fact that the ethereal profile that I am seeing, actually belongs to the guy who sits next to me in the chemistry class. So if you’ve been in touch with a love guru online  for months and consider him to be a sanctum full of invaluable wisdom, think again. He might actually be some 11th standard kid with a very bright future ahead of him.

I accept that not everyone has the same reason to sign up for such sites, obviously not everyone on such networking sites have social insecurities, and that’s precisely the reason why all profiles are not as deceiving. But these poser clowns can be a bad influence, the multiplier effect as the wise ones say. When you see something wrong enough times it certainly seems much more acceptable. Compliance to the norm has been the rule ever since we learnt to live together. That probably marked the beginning of the decline of individualism.  

 Have you ever wondered why most profile photos flash sunglasses, cars, bikes or a trendy hairdo? There’s more to it than the simple desire to look good. An illustration is probably in order here. For now, let’s go back in the time of our dear old friend ‘Fred-The Flintstones’, i.e. the stone age and see if we find something similar in that era. Men used to go hunting, mark their areas and fight to retain them, and protect the females and the family in general. On the other hand women used to collect fruits, take care of their babies and protect them and also cook the food brought by men. The entire foundations of the civilization thrived upon the relentless efforts of both the genders, and would have collapsed if either one of them was missing or if they decided to switch their jobs. I mean men were just too wild to handle the babies and sending a woman to run around
fidgeting weapons and hunting dangerous predators doesn’t look like a very good plan. So the responsibility of hard-core physical labour was put on men, while a cavewoman preferred falling in love with a muscular, strong jawed caveman with a lot of facial hair and harsh voice. A muscular guy meant that he was strong enough to protect her and from biological point of view good genes for her babies. Facial hair and harsh voice further consolidated his physical strength and
highlighted his virility.

You might have heard of Red Indians, with their weird markings on the cheeks and around their eyes. Those were not just the regular old HOO-LA-LA thingies. Or let’s take Ninja Turtles for instance. Now there are certain things about this cartoon that I couldn’t fathom, like -why the hell were they called turtles in the first place when they were more of fighting tortoises running around in green shells on 2 feet. Anyway the reason why I mentioned them here is that each of
the 4 turtles wore a strip of colored cloth around their head. Markings or coverings like these not only make an invader look fierce, but also helps him subjugate his opponent easily by thwarting his attempts to fight back psychologically. Eyes and facial expressions play a pivotal role in gestural communication, hiding them can make him look tougher than he actually is, enhancing the suppressor’s dominance thus giving him an edge over his opponent. It might now not be difficult to envisage why certain complex ridden chaps prefer
wearing their Ray ban sunglasses at night, or spend hours together on Photoshop to look muscular and catchy in their photos.

Tacit compliance therefore is a genetic thing, the entire fabric of our brain’s wiring has incorporated these basic instincts of our ancestors, it’s something that we all have inherited and do subconsciously. But that’s no excuse of using sources like a social networking site to hide flaws or weaknesses. How can you expect to improve if you can’t even   accept yourself in the first place. Stop dreaming and start living, become the person you wanted to be, rather than wondering whether you look better in a black and white or a colored photo. Be the better change, authentic change that the world needs to see. You don’t have to change yourself to deceive someone and be able to stand out in the crowd. You don’t always have to look like a gem to prove you are one. So why not try being the real you and for once in your life have some ownership of and credibility behind your actions and words and see how that goes? Between following a trend and setting one I’d much rather do the latter. Besides you’ll come to realize that no matter who you are there are enough people who like you anyway and life is all about driving your own car while getting along with other drivers on the highway, isn’t it?                                                                                  

                                                                                                    

 ~ Anand Bains,

    mechanical,

     2^nd year.

LAST MEETING

The streets were pitch dark. The sprawling ocean of darkness seemed so much like my present life.The foam on the waves seemed to dance under the night to the tunes of cricket and other insects.The sea was hitting the shores so hard that for a moment it shook up my heart and made me very part of the scene.From the left walked in Mr.Joseph Mathew, my husband whom I've neglected for past five years. I recognised him from the long distance by manner of his gait. He came up to me and stood still.I didnt have courage to look at him so i kept observing the ocean andthe waves as if I haven't noticed him. I gathered myself and turned my face towards him.He was as charming as he was.

He smiled and waited for a smile to appear on my face.I had tears almost touching rim of my eyes, still I managed a smile. He took few steps towards me and sat by my side.

We both were in complete silence when Joseph breaked the ice "Why Sara,why do you want divorce..??"For a moment it seemed a simple Question butI had no answer to it.I kept quite.He holded my hand and with a heavy voice he spoke "I promise to chip off the barrier of time between us."

I knew he didn't wanted to let me go but I had my reasons and that to strong enough to get the Divorce.I handed over the divorce papers to Josephand could only say "sign these papers Joseph." With these words his hope of taking me back almost vanished,and he took the pers with the shaky hands.

For the first time ,I looked into those eyes where I could see numerous Questions and intense fear of loosing me.I was broken down.

I kissed his forehead and said "Joseph I know I could never repay the care,affection and love you gave me,but I want to let you know one thing "I loveyou and will do so forever.

He holded me in his arms like an true angel of love,"then why do you want me to sign these papers Sara.In his arms,I felt so secured.For a moment all myfear,all my pain vanished and could only force these words out of my mouth "hold me for few moments Joseph." He holded me more tightly and responded "I want to hold you this way forever,just don't go." Hearing these words,smile appeared on my face.I knew this forever could not last for few days even.Something striked Joseph and he recited few lines.I think it was the pain he was going through,made him the poet for few seconds..

"I'm willing to loose each bit of mine,

If you promise to be my side..

I don't want ant tresure or pleasure,

If you promise to be with me..

Because my World is you and only you,

Don't leave me ever

Else,i'll be all gone

Without you I'm none,I'm all alone"

These lines were straight from his heart.Tears followed each other.I forced myself out of his embrace.I was crying hard,when he kissed my cheeks and madethem dry.I forced these words out of my mouth which i never wanted to "Sign these papers JOseph and this is our Last Meeting,after this I'll be free fromyour side and you..."Before I could finish off,he pressed my mouth with his hands "No Sara,I won't be free because I don't want to be.I know I'll be completely lost in yourmemories".He took the divorce papers.He looked at my face,which was eagerly waiting for his sign.He signed them.Just as an Eagle waits for his prey and attack at the right time,same ways i almost snatched the signed papers.he was having all his eyes on me.I knew he was waiting for my smile andI didn't make him wait for it too long.I smiled.Joseph smiled back and said "these papers mean nothing to me.You are my wife Mrs.Sara Mathew and would alwaysbe.Signing these papers would not change your position in my life.I love you and will wait for you forever..."

This forever word meant nothing to me.I knew it was the LAST STAGE.Yes the bitter truth was i was in the last stage of AIDS.

Joseph and me married 5 years back.Everything was simply perfectwhen I was almost Crashed by the bus.I was immediately taken to a small countyside hospital.At that time Joseph was out of the town.He was a Managerof a Multinational Company and the busy schedules were part of our life.Due to heavy blood loss I was injectedthe blood.It was an nfectious one.Soon after I recovered i went for all the tests and my HIV test was a positive one.I took the reports and left the house.Joseph knew nothing about the reports.He didn't have the slightest idea regarding this.And today it has been two years we are separated withoutdivorce.Since then I've been working as a waitress in a countyside hotel.Joseph made enumerous efforts to take me back or help me financially.Each time i turned my back to his offer.And today when I called him up to sign the divorce papers,he wished to meet me for one last time.

They say nothing comes for free.I agreed thinking may be I could give him some happiness and could repay the little share of his uncomparable care and lovehe has given all my life.

And this was our LAST MEETING.

Suddenly I couldn't breathe properly.Here I was the last leap towards death.I got up to go and holded the most valuable thing for the time being.."The Divorce Papers"

Before going I handed a Envelope to Joseph."This is answer to all you questions but promise me you'll open it when I'll be gone." He nodded.I started walking.Each step I took away from Joseph,seemed as if it was an step closer to death.I wanted to turn back just to have last Glimpse of Joseph.I turned back.Joseph washolding envelope in one hand and reports in other.They were my MEDICAL REPORTS.He went through the reports and looked up at me....

Words couldn't find their way out..

Tears couldn't come out of his eyes..

He stood speechless but his eyes were speaking "why Sara why..??" Distance between Joseph and me was just few steps.But neither he could walk up to me nor Icould go back to him.He cried like a child,yelled out loud and almost fell down.I ran back to hold him.I could see my death in his eyes.This was the reasonI hided it from him.I knew he couldn't effort to loose me.I holded him "No Josephi want your memories to take me beyond Grave,don't make them weak".

He shook his head and said "You loved me so much Sara and never expressed it and i thought you to be a heartless woman."ÿou are true angel of love."

He took the divorse paper and torn them away and said "I just wanted to see you happy.I gave you everything even divorse to make you happy but now mylove woudn't permit me to do so.."

Then he searched for something in his pocket and came out with my engagement ring which I had given him back years ago.He bend down and said "marry me Mrs Joseph Mathew.." This time I couldn't say no.I accepted his proposal and tears of happines started rolling down.

I couldn't breath anymore.Here I was..got the final call from God.Our love ws the only impediment for my soul to flew away.I fell down in Joseph's arms.

God had made that meeting a LAST MEETING in true senses.I was happy that atleast i'll die with him around me.

I recited few lines..

Don't mourn,when i'm gone..

I'll be always around you,within you..

I can't afford to see tears in your eyes..

- MALVIKA, M.tech, 1st year

A DROPLET LOST IN OCEAN

A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you.

                                                                               ~ Margaret Atwood.

Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.
                                                                                 ~P.J.O’Rourke.

   The pearls of water ran down the lonely corner of my bedroom window...it seemed as if the heaven was a witness and was feeling every ounce of my pain and anxiety...The sky is crying with me, sitting at the corner of the room with dead toys and estranged fantasies when suddenly the door cracked open with a loud shriek and a sturdy black figure stepped inside... it was the end of the life I've known by now... everything was about to change after i leave this room…the room where I've spent 16 years of my life, my house that no longer was mine, every material that had no meaning by now was getting alive and were equally remorseful and were begging me not to leave.

The man demanded me to pack my bags. He was an official sent by High Court to take me to my mother who was living in Shimla now, so far away from here. She decided to live in Shimla, that was more of similar to Nainital so that I would feel comfortable and easy to settle down. But this place- the same one where every morning i woke up listening the musical alarm of monal, the exquisite food lavishly prepared by Kalpana aunty, the dining table where me, ma and papa had food together spiced with love and affection...my school, my friends... I was leaving everything behind of me ...the flowers in my garden were blooming less today. The clear blue sky, the view of Naini lake from my terrace, the flowers in steps of my garden, the houses of my neighbours ,their smiles; the flamboyance around my home, my life was missing...merely the thought of leaving this place shivered my nerves and me to the bowels of my heart...More of not the place but leaving my father behind made me paranoid...i was so heavy at heart...today I realised that how it feels to be parched ,estranged from your life...

My life had been this way for past few months now...the day i was in melee of my dream world lying in my cosy bed lingering on my soft pillow underneath my heavy blanket in a cold December night while it was snowy outside...i was dreaming of ma's special rajma chawal and kheer...her extravagance made the food all the more special ... i woke up with the disturbing sounds reaching my ears from outside of my bedroom...a horizon of light was peeping inside of my room from the bottom opening as if calling me to watch out, it was the sound of my mom and dad....the light of living room was opened and a heavy discussion was going on and I could barely understand what they were talking about but the voices grew louder and louder and never ended... I slowly stepped down my bed and tiptoed myself to the door, as I reached there the voice grew louder and louder. I silently turned down handle of the door making minimum sound possible and peeped my eyes out of the small opening ...and what i saw shifted the earth beneath me earthquaking my life forever...the two figures ,my role models, the impeccable part of my life, were shouting, screaming and fighting with each other disrespectfully ...

'You have ruined my life and drained every happiness i had'...

'Neither you have been a good wife....

'you don’t respect me and my needs all you care about is yourself'...

i couldn’t listen anymore, a tide of tears ran down from the corner of my eyes to the corner of my mouth and jumped to the wooden floor...what i thought was a heated argument was not really one, it was a fight...the voices were loud but i cannot listen to it anymore...I had to shut the panels of my ears tightly through my hands...but i could see still see the hatred in their eyes for each other...

i wanted to step outside the room and stop them, hug them both, stop what all was happening there and bring an end to this horrible nightmare, but i was numb, so numb to move or react. Then I heard a loud thunder that broke the commotion of my thoughts and brought me back to my room... I saw my mom on the floor descending to herself, one hand on her right cheek, tears rolling down her eyes, in no moment I knew what has happened. I shrieked loud ,busted the room door open and ran down to her...I held her shivering body, she turned her face away from me. The room shut silent, my demanding eyes were questioning them pleading for answers. But they buried their eyes on the floor, none of them looked at me. I wanted to scream and ask them what all it was? What happened? Why did it happen? Why my beautiful, happy world was diminished? Silence echoed the room, finally i gathered all my strength and said 'Ma, are you...'

but before i could complete my sentence, she stood up and dried her reckless tears...with a wrecked heart she took her overcoat from robe stand ,while covering her cold body with it she walked towards the front door...and without spilling a single word from her dried throat she opened the door and started walking.

I shouted 'Where are you going , ma ?'  'come back in' 'its cold out there' 'come in' 'don’t go'

I started running behind her, when my papa caught my hand and pushed me back. He coldly said 'let her go, if she wants to'

I was struggling to break free. I was shouting and calling her, but she kept walking. I wanted to reach her and hold her hand, make her come back inside. I could feel the cool breeze gushing inside the open door making my warm body shiver. She was outside feeling the same, the warmth inside and the cold outside made me a part of two world. It was no longer our world. I couldn’t see her anymore, I prayed my father to get her back, to call her back. But he asked me to go to my room. I froze, couldn’t believe what my ears heard just then. He freed me and shut the door close...he left for his room and ordered me to go to bed. I couldn’t move, I sat on the floor… Cold...Alone.

My parents don’t live together anymore. Today i have to leave to go to my mother with this official. But as i leave today, I leave myself as a whole... Alone and empty.

 This is a story of many children when their parents are separated... What can we do for them??

                                                         ~ Vaishali Joshi