The late evening sky had never been so
clear, lit with stars sprinkled all over it. The pine trees swayed majestically
in the chilling breeze, their peaks gently kissing the heavens. Silhouettes of
birds fleeing back to their nests could be seen vaguely against the dull light
that spilled from the dying sun as it melted into the oblivion. The sparkling
rivulet of icy water flowing on the left side of the dirt road splashed and
chuckled, as it made its way through the twists and bends along the road. I had
walked this path many times, and yet my admiration for the beauty of the place was
undying and had seen no dilution whatsoever. Places like these very often made
me introspect, giving a deeper insight into life, so that I could better
understand the intriguing world around me, and my place in it. I always used to
fathom a question, what could be more difficult to live with-- to have failed
at something in life, or to live with the acknowledgement, of your inevitable
eventual failure in the end? These long evening walks back home were probably
to blame, for I considered my intellect too inferior to have stumbled across a
question of this grade, had it not been for all this idle time it had. But the
question still remained and today was no different. I was almost home, I could
see the dilapidated wooden signboard of the' Divine Tinam rock' on right side
of the dirt road. There was something important about the place or more like sacred,
as the natives would describe it. I had never been a very strong believer of chance or destiny,
and the belief that visiting a shrine every next week could bring you luck, so
for me the rock was just a stack of giant granite rocks, which meant that I was
almost back home, back to my little world and my dear wife. Seeing the lights
of my cottage brought a smile to my face, I could see the faint smoke coming
out of the chimney. She had always loved cooking, I quickened my steps for I didn't
want to keep her waiting for dinner. I patted my left pocket making sure that I
had the locket there. We had been to the market last week and that's where she
had seen it, glittering innocently in
the shop window. She never said anything to me about it, she didn't have to
tell me that she had fallen for it, for I knew, I knew that look in her eyes.
And then, she walked away from it, as if it never existed and I knew what had
crossed her mind. Yes...it's true, it was not going to be easy for a guy who
worked at the lumberjack uphill to afford it. But she was the only family I had,
the only I had ever known, the one smile I had to ensure. I could understand
her sacrifice and knew that she deserved more, much more than a sad incompetent
excuse. And so I worked for it, really hard, and an entire week of overtime had
paid off, and that's what really mattered in the end. I was eager to get home,
eager to give her the surprise that was going to make her day. It was pretty dark
now and the cottage lights shone bright against the blanket of the dark
background for miles. Although my mind was running through the different ways
of surprising her, I couldn't help but notice that the vegetation on both the
sides looked strangely thicker, and it was probably the thin wisp of fog that
gave it the effect. I had been walking for some time now and it really was
taking longer than the usual. The cold wind lashed my face relentlessly, my
ears had gone numb and each deep breath stung my insides, as I struggled to
move faster. The air itself seemed to have gone dense and I had this very
strange feeling as though I was being watched; the swaying trees, the splashing
water of the brook and the never ending dirt road as though characters of a
play, trying to tell a tale. I was starting to get this stale feeling deep down
that I had wasted a lot of time contemplating all my way, and that I was
running late now because of it. The shadows of the trees twisted and turned in
the spilling moon light as though they were alive all around me and had been
watching me, this whole time. I continued to move faster on the uneven rugged
road, slipping every now and then, fighting the growing sense of urgency within
me. The air was now so thick, it was getting difficult to make out the lights
of the cottage clearly... I was almost there. As I fixed my gaze on the blurry
light flowing out of the kitchen window, a thick wave of cold air hit me out of
nowhere almost paralysing me in the instant, and the lights went out. Something
was not right, the feeling of urgency had slowly slid into panic. I was running
flat out now, jumping over the side fence, I Slammed the front door wide open and threw myself in...The
darkness within was not just absence of light, but much more tangible than
that. There was a strange smell as though the cottage had been locked for weeks
and yet it was only this morning when I had left it. I tried to call out to my
wife, but the words never came out, as though all air in my lungs had been
punched out. It was a scene from a nightmare, but I was awake. Everything
seemed damp within the cottage, as I stretched my hands out trying to feel my
way through, my arm brushed against something hard and rough like some bark of
a tree. I touched it again and sure it did, it did feel like.. a tree? I could now feel my heart throbbing
hard against my ribs. Tensed, I moved sideways, still in pitch darkness , hands
stretched outwards. To my horror, as I moved, I felt more plants around me. Overwhelmed,
I turned to look back only to see that
the front door wasn't there anymore. For a moment I just stood there stunned,
staring in the depths of the darkness that surrounded me, where there was a door
just seconds back, trying to soak in everything and put some sense into what
was happening. It was what I saw ahead of me that horrified me... there were
trees, hundreds of them all around, there was no cottage.. and that I was actually
standing in the middle of a forest clearing. I dashed towards the only patch
that was still lit with moonlight, the thought of my wife being all alone
somewhere was killing me, and I was beginning to hate myself, for letting all
of this happen. I couldn't dig out the reason but somehow I knew that I was to
blame. There was no denying the inevitable, that there was no rationality to
the world I had just walked into. It felt as though my body had been chewed up and
spat out, I felt weak in both body and the mind. The fear of the unknown had dissolved
and was replaced by regret, desperation
and anger. I could see the trees and the distant bushes and their twisting dark
shadows, feeding on my emotions it seemed, as though the entire forest had come alive. I
was desperately trying to find something that would help me find my way out of
this madness, anything that would help me save my wife. Right ahead of me was
the darkest patch of devilish looking serpentine shadows. There was no going
back now, no other way out of this... and without giving it a second thought I
started running straight for it. Even though I had no idea of what lay in its
depths, I was more than willing to take this risk. As I ran towards the
slithering, twisting dark patch, I could see it getting denser and stronger as though
getting ready for the impact. I clenched my teeth and plunged myself into its
heart. It was the most excruciating pain I had ever felt in my life, I fell
into the infinite depths of icy darkness
that froze my blood, sucking all life from me and I crashed to the ground . My
lungs burned and I could hardly breathe now, and even lying there half dead, I
could see hundreds if not thousands of shadows and dark wavy clusters of
emptiness, like the one I had just jumped in, all around me. Never had I felt so
vulnerable, weak and lacking at the same time. The pain was unbearable, I could
still feel it in my bones. The anger and desperation still fuelled my will, but
my body.. seemed to be losing the battle. I shut my eyes tight, and it was then
when I heard something. There was no sound to it and yet somehow it made sense
to me. The darkness could communicate in the strangest way possible. The
closest thing to it was probably when you recall something... you're not
actually listening, when you recall what someone said to you once. It said
that, I just could not win in this world, it was designed this way. And that
the only way to save my wife was to let go of her and stop trying... leaving my
wife forever, was the only way to save her from this dark world and all the
sufferings that dwelled in it. ' Leave her, and go back and you shall find your
cottage again ' . I lay there keeping my eyes shut tight. Without her, there
was no home to go back to..' No, this is not how this ends'- I told myself. I
am going to find her and then.. I am
going for the shadows. Even though deep down in my heart I knew that the
force I was fighting was much stronger than me, I was not going to let it take
control of my life, I was not going to let it take away what I loved. Something
hard was pressing painfully into my left leg. Slowly I got to my feet and
pulled it out...it was the locket. It glittered in the moon light, probably the
only thing that was still untouched, unaware of the darkness, just as pristine
as it ever was, still waiting for its rightful owner. I thought of my wife and
the way she had seen it, it was as though the locket reminded me that there was
still some hope left... even when everything seemed to be falling apart. As I
looked up I saw that the shadows had retreated back to the dark background, but
I could still feel their presence. Even through the thickest of vegetation that
surrounded me, a faint spec of light had found its way through, on the right
side. First I thought I was just imagining it, but something really was there.
I started moving towards it, it was weak but it could still gave me warmth. As
I moved closer I could hear splashing of water, it seemed the light was coming
from a sort of cave. It was not until I came close enough that I realized that
it was a stack of big rocks...it was the Divine Tinam rock, I had somehow found
my way back to it and the light was coming from the inside of it. There was
nothing around the rock but darkness, and I could only hear the water splashing
nearby. I went in, it was a very small place with nothing but a small candle
inside, and it felt as though its light was breathing life back into me. I
closed my eyes trying to take in as much of its warmth as possible, and then I
heard it saying something...just like the shadows, the rock could speak a
language of its own. But this time it was different, it was hopeful.. like a
good memory. It said, that I had been fighting myself and that the shadows were
a part of me. 'No one knows your weaknesses better than yourself '--it said,
and that's precisely the reason why the shadows were always a step ahead, for
they were an extension of me. It said that they are stronger, much stronger
than me, but that I'll always have something, something that the shadows won't,
something that'll give me the strength
to get off the ground every single time---
my heart... my emotions and passion. The tension had lifted and it was
as though everything had started afresh. I opened my eyes. The sky had never
looked more beautiful, splattered with stars, the chuckling water dancing over
the moss covered rocks...and the bright lights of a cottage shinning merrily,
the smoke from the chimney chasing the wind. As I started walking towards the
cottage, it felt as though I had been given a new life, another chance and I
knew everything was going to be just like the good old times, I gave one last
look to the rock...the candle flickered, still waiting for its disciple like it
had always been...
".. YOU ARE GETTING
LATE FOR YOUR COLLEGE AGAIN...!!"
I opened my eyes, and I just couldn't help
smiling...it was a dream alright, but I felt so alive. It was as though a
balloon of happiness was swelling inside me. Staring at the ceiling of my room
I thought -- So, what's more difficult to live with-- to have failed at
something, or living with the feeling of your inevitable failure in the end? In
20 years of my existence I've realized one super eminent truth, a harsh reality
that has stood the test of time, that not everyone has the luxury of second
chances in life. People often sit back waiting for a perfect scenario to
somehow pop up and then they start their course of action. And to add to their
inhibitions, they think there's someone out there who's in control of their
threads of fate. I think life is too short to doubt ,to second guess, it's a
one way road for you to choose how you want it to be like.. one chance is all
you have, but then if you work it right, I think once is more than enough. I
think every dream, every wish is a possibility. Some people can sit around
waiting for times to change, some hit when the iron's hot, while others keep on
hitting till the damn plate is so hot that it slices through anything. I think
if the ending's not happy, then it might just not be the end yet. They say,
your mind is the best weapon that you have against anything. Well, I got a
whole new perspective of life from this weapon's manifestation-- a dream.
Frankly I find it tough to recall my dreams, let alone learn anything from
them, but I guess this was different.
Makes me wonder what this human brain is really capable of...I mean seriously? TINAM rock? What do you get when
you spell it backwards anyway...
Anandbir
Bains,
3rd
Year
