Friday, June 21, 2013

THE LABYRINTH



The late evening sky had never been so clear, lit with stars sprinkled all over it. The pine trees swayed majestically in the chilling breeze, their peaks gently kissing the heavens. Silhouettes of birds fleeing back to their nests could be seen vaguely against the dull light that spilled from the dying sun as it melted into the oblivion. The sparkling rivulet of icy water flowing on the left side of the dirt road splashed and chuckled, as it made its way through the twists and bends along the road. I had walked this path many times, and yet my admiration for the beauty of the place was undying and had seen no dilution whatsoever. Places like these very often made me introspect, giving a deeper insight into life, so that I could better understand the intriguing world around me, and my place in it. I always used to fathom a question, what could be more difficult to live with-- to have failed at something in life, or to live with the acknowledgement, of your inevitable eventual failure in the end? These long evening walks back home were probably to blame, for I considered my intellect too inferior to have stumbled across a question of this grade, had it not been for all this idle time it had. But the question still remained and today was no different. I was almost home, I could see the dilapidated wooden signboard of the' Divine Tinam rock' on right side of the dirt road. There was something important about the place or more like sacred, as the natives would describe it. I had never been  a very strong believer of chance or destiny, and the belief that visiting a shrine every next week could bring you luck, so for me the rock was just a stack of giant granite rocks, which meant that I was almost back home, back to my little world and my dear wife. Seeing the lights of my cottage brought a smile to my face, I could see the faint smoke coming out of the chimney. She had always loved cooking, I quickened my steps for I didn't want to keep her waiting for dinner. I patted my left pocket making sure that I had the locket there. We had been to the market last week and that's where she had seen  it, glittering innocently in the shop window. She never said anything to me about it, she didn't have to tell me that she had fallen for it, for I knew, I knew that look in her eyes. And then, she walked away from it, as if it never existed and I knew what had crossed her mind. Yes...it's true, it was not going to be easy for a guy who worked at the lumberjack uphill to afford it. But she was the only family I had, the only I had ever known, the one smile I had to ensure. I could understand her sacrifice and knew that she deserved more, much more than a sad incompetent excuse. And so I worked for it, really hard, and an entire week of overtime had paid off, and that's what really mattered in the end. I was eager to get home, eager to give her the surprise that was going to make her day. It was pretty dark now and the cottage lights shone bright against the blanket of the dark background for miles. Although my mind was running through the different ways of surprising her, I couldn't help but notice that the vegetation on both the sides looked strangely thicker, and it was probably the thin wisp of fog that gave it the effect. I had been walking for some time now and it really was taking longer than the usual. The cold wind lashed my face relentlessly, my ears had gone numb and each deep breath stung my insides, as I struggled to move faster. The air itself seemed to have gone dense and I had this very strange feeling as though I was being watched; the swaying trees, the splashing water of the brook and the never ending dirt road as though characters of a play, trying to tell a tale. I was starting to get this stale feeling deep down that I had wasted a lot of time contemplating all my way, and that I was running late now because of it. The shadows of the trees twisted and turned in the spilling moon light as though they were alive all around me and had been watching me, this whole time. I continued to move faster on the uneven rugged road, slipping every now and then, fighting the growing sense of urgency within me. The air was now so thick, it was getting difficult to make out the lights of the cottage clearly... I was almost there. As I fixed my gaze on the blurry light flowing out of the kitchen window, a thick wave of cold air hit me out of nowhere almost paralysing me in the instant, and the lights went out. Something was not right, the feeling of urgency had slowly slid into panic. I was running flat out now, jumping over the side fence, I Slammed the front  door wide open and threw myself in...The darkness within was not just absence of light, but much more tangible than that. There was a strange smell as though the cottage had been locked for weeks and yet it was only this morning when I had left it. I tried to call out to my wife, but the words never came out, as though all air in my lungs had been punched out. It was a scene from a nightmare, but I was awake. Everything seemed damp within the cottage, as I stretched my hands out trying to feel my way through, my arm brushed against something hard and rough like some bark of a tree. I touched it again and sure it did, it did feel like..  a tree? I could now feel my heart throbbing hard against my ribs. Tensed, I moved sideways, still in pitch darkness , hands stretched outwards. To my horror, as I moved, I felt more plants around me. Overwhelmed, I turned to look  back only to see that the front door wasn't there anymore. For a moment I just stood there stunned, staring in the depths of the darkness that surrounded me, where there was a door just seconds back, trying to soak in everything and put some sense into what was happening. It was what I saw ahead of me that horrified me... there were trees, hundreds of them all around, there was no cottage.. and that I was actually standing in the middle of a forest clearing. I dashed towards the only patch that was still lit with moonlight, the thought of my wife being all alone somewhere was killing me, and I was beginning to hate myself, for letting all of this happen. I couldn't dig out the reason but somehow I knew that I was to blame. There was no denying the inevitable, that there was no rationality to the world I had just walked into. It felt as though my body had been chewed up and spat out, I felt weak in both body and the mind. The fear of the unknown had dissolved and was replaced by  regret, desperation and anger. I could see the trees and the distant bushes and their twisting dark shadows, feeding on my emotions it seemed,  as though the entire forest had come alive. I was desperately trying to find something that would help me find my way out of this madness, anything that would help me save my wife. Right ahead of me was the darkest patch of devilish looking serpentine shadows. There was no going back now, no other way out of this... and without giving it a second thought I started running straight for it. Even though I had no idea of what lay in its depths, I was more than willing to take this risk. As I ran towards the slithering, twisting dark patch, I could see it getting denser and stronger as though getting ready for the impact. I clenched my teeth and plunged myself into its heart. It was the most excruciating pain I had ever felt in my life, I fell into the infinite depths  of icy darkness that froze my blood, sucking all life from me and I crashed to the ground . My lungs burned and I could hardly breathe now, and even lying there half dead, I could see hundreds if not thousands of shadows and dark wavy clusters of emptiness, like the one I had just jumped in, all around me. Never had I felt so vulnerable, weak and lacking at the same time. The pain was unbearable, I could still feel it in my bones. The anger and desperation still fuelled my will, but my body.. seemed to be losing the battle. I shut my eyes tight, and it was then when I heard something. There was no sound to it and yet somehow it made sense to me. The darkness could communicate in the strangest way possible. The closest thing to it was probably when you recall something... you're not actually listening, when you recall what someone said to you once. It said that, I just could not win in this world, it was designed this way. And that the only way to save my wife was to let go of her and stop trying... leaving my wife forever, was the only way to save her from this dark world and all the sufferings that dwelled in it. ' Leave her, and go back and you shall find your cottage again ' . I lay there keeping my eyes shut tight. Without her, there was no home to go back to..' No, this is not how this ends'- I told myself. I am going to find her and then.. I am  going for the shadows. Even though deep down in my heart I knew that the force I was fighting was much stronger than me, I was not going to let it take control of my life, I was not going to let it take away what I loved. Something hard was pressing painfully into my left leg. Slowly I got to my feet and pulled it out...it was the locket. It glittered in the moon light, probably the only thing that was still untouched, unaware of the darkness, just as pristine as it ever was, still waiting for its rightful owner. I thought of my wife and the way she had seen it, it was as though the locket reminded me that there was still some hope left... even when everything seemed to be falling apart. As I looked up I saw that the shadows had retreated back to the dark background, but I could still feel their presence. Even through the thickest of vegetation that surrounded me, a faint spec of light had found its way through, on the right side. First I thought I was just imagining it, but something really was there. I started moving towards it, it was weak but it could still gave me warmth. As I moved closer I could hear splashing of water, it seemed the light was coming from a sort of cave. It was not until I came close enough that I realized that it was a stack of big rocks...it was the Divine Tinam rock, I had somehow found my way back to it and the light was coming from the inside of it. There was nothing around the rock but darkness, and I could only hear the water splashing nearby. I went in, it was a very small place with nothing but a small candle inside, and it felt as though its light was breathing life back into me. I closed my eyes trying to take in as much of its warmth as possible, and then I heard it saying something...just like the shadows, the rock could speak a language of its own. But this time it was different, it was hopeful.. like a good memory. It said, that I had been fighting myself and that the shadows were a part of me. 'No one knows your weaknesses better than yourself '--it said, and that's precisely the reason why the shadows were always a step ahead, for they were an extension of me. It said that they are stronger, much stronger than me, but that I'll always have something, something that the shadows won't, something that'll  give me the strength to get off the ground every single time---  my heart... my emotions and passion. The tension had lifted and it was as though everything had started afresh. I opened my eyes. The sky had never looked more beautiful, splattered with stars, the chuckling water dancing over the moss covered rocks...and the bright lights of a cottage shinning merrily, the smoke from the chimney chasing the wind. As I started walking towards the cottage, it felt as though I had been given a new life, another chance and I knew everything was going to be just like the good old times, I gave one last look to the rock...the candle flickered, still waiting for its disciple like it had always been...
                                                                                





                      ".. YOU ARE GETTING LATE FOR YOUR COLLEGE AGAIN...!!"
I opened my eyes, and I just couldn't help smiling...it was a dream alright, but I felt so alive. It was as though a balloon of happiness was swelling inside me. Staring at the ceiling of my room I thought -- So, what's more difficult to live with-- to have failed at something, or living with the feeling of your inevitable failure in the end? In 20 years of my existence I've realized one super eminent truth, a harsh reality that has stood the test of time, that not everyone has the luxury of second chances in life. People often sit back waiting for a perfect scenario to somehow pop up and then they start their course of action. And to add to their inhibitions, they think there's someone out there who's in control of their threads of fate. I think life is too short to doubt ,to second guess, it's a one way road for you to choose how you want it to be like.. one chance is all you have, but then if you work it right, I think once is more than enough. I think every dream, every wish is a possibility. Some people can sit around waiting for times to change, some hit when the iron's hot, while others keep on hitting till the damn plate is so hot that it slices through anything. I think if the ending's not happy, then it might just not be the end yet. They say, your mind is the best weapon that you have against anything. Well, I got a whole new perspective of life from this weapon's manifestation-- a dream. Frankly I find it tough to recall my dreams, let alone learn anything from them, but I guess this was different.

  Makes me wonder what this human brain is really capable of...I mean  seriously? TINAM rock? What do you get when you spell it backwards anyway... 

Anandbir Bains,
3rd Year

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